Recipe for getting out of Yard Work

So being the wonderful, helpful wife that I am (or should I say try to be), Sam and I decided to do some much needed work in our yard this past weekend. We edged all the flower beds, removed old mulch, weeded them, and then pulled the grass roots that had grown into the beds with a hack saw (or something like that). Then we planted about 25 more plants throughout the yard and beds to help fill in where the current plants had not grown into yet. Then put new mulch into all the beds. Sounds like a normal weekend of yard work, right? Well, not exactly.

Mistake #1: Sam sends me, armed with the length and width of our flower beds, to the local mulch sellers. I gave the guy my handy measurements and they asked if he wanted to layer it thick - of course I said yes! So, he figures out that we need about 17 yards of mulch. I thought Sam was going to have a cow when we see a dump truck (no kidding) coming up the street!

Mistake #2: Sam gives me the task of using the hack saw to pull the grass roots from the beds. Did I mention how sore I was from this task? No, sore is not the word! I swear I think I tore my hamstrings!!! My never-ending complaints of my soreness are about to make Sam crazy!

Mistake #3: Sam hands me a post-hole digger to start digging holes for the new plants while he shovels mulch. Ok, so post-hole diggers are not made for a 5'1" woman, or maybe I am just not coordinated enough to use them. Makes no sense - why squeeze it to release the dirt and open to grab - or something like that!? So, I opted for a shovel. My old cheerleading days so pay off in this respect because I am able to balance on the shovel!

Mistake #4: Did I mention that I have horrible allergies???? Well, again being the wonderful wife to a husband who travels a lot and wants to spend every second he's home with his girls, I decided to help him out and try and mow the yard (or at least the front yard). I've only ever used a lawnmower once in my life, so I was walking into this BLIND! I figured out where the gas goes, but clumsily (as usual) I spill it all over the mower! To a make a long story short, I did get the front yard mowed and it looks Fabulous, even if I do say so myself! But, as soon as coming inside, I started sneezing I think millions times. I blew my nose and blew it and blew it to no relief! I decided I needed to maybe take my clothes off and wash off in the shower. Well, I was covered in hives! I took some Benadryl at this point and started feeling a little better, only to notice that I had two huge blisters on each thumb from holding down the little bar thing on the mower!

So, needless to say, all of my efforts to be this amazing, totally self-sufficient wife that my husband could brag to his buddies (I'm envisioning this conversation: "Well, guess what kind of wife I have? Yep, she's the one who can do it all! She even mows the lawn! What a woman!"), I think I have officially lost my job of yard work - I think I'll stick to the house and kitchen!

If anyone wants help in devising such a genius plan, just let me know! I'm sure I could think of more "ingredients" to you customize your Recipe For Success! Ha! Sorry Sam, wish I was more help in the yard, but I'd bet you would rather do it than listen to me complain! By the way, I'm headed to play tennis - I like this part of my "chores" much better! Have a great day!